Dating is hard. Dating as a strong independent woman is even harder. Every Ex (serious or temporary) is an example that comes with a lesson. Let’s start a running list about the lessons I have learned so far from dating in my 20’s.
Lesson 1
Dimitria, you love too damn hard girl.
I have always been the go hard or go home type with everything I do but I did not realize how much I over exhorted myself in a relationship until I met this guy. You could say that I had a blunt tip arrow shot in my ass by Cupid with this. I just knew we were going to be a hip power couple. But nope. Ya’ll I felt like I did everything I could to be a good girlfriend. I just could not make him happy and it was stressing me out. After a while of not feeling good enough, I walked away. Even though it was a short time I fell really hard and still carry the bruises from this one. If you’re reading this, I’m still cheering you on!
Lesson 2
There is more to a relationship than being a wife.
With this Ex I spent a lot of time trying to be the perfect wife. I know, I know. Before you say anything, this is a lesson for a reason. Stay with me. I was very head strong in believed he was the one God molded just for me. We grew up together, his family became mine and he supported me throw majority of my higher education. Marriage was talked about throughout our relationship and that was a mutual goal of ours. However the distance and secrets started. We started to grow in separate directions. Once we broke up I had no idea who I was without him because I was busy trying to play wife the whole time. Ya’ll my world was turned upside down. To be with someone for years and years you will lose yourself but its important to take the time to find yourself outside of that relationship.
Lesson 3
I’m over ambitious.
For the most part I know what I want out of my life both professionally and personally. I’ve also achieved a hell of a lot for my young age. You’d think this would be attractive. Nope. I’ve found that guys my age find this to be intimidating. Yes, a 5 foot 130 Ibs woman is intimidating. I have been told that my ambition is hard to keep up with, multiple times. I used to be upset by this but then I remembered that my dad raised me to be an ambitious, independent woman. I thought I was going to need to lower my standards in order to attract a mate but as I grow comfortable in myself I realize I have a right to my ambition and should remain proud of it. There is a man somewhere out there who is willing to accept my drive and run along side of me in this race called life.
Lesson 4
I may not have been “chosen” but that does not determine my worth.
How many of you know the feeling of rejection? If you didn’t raise your hand, are you even human? I’m a very loving person and have a lot of love to give so when I am faced with rejection I take it harder than I probably should. There have been times I have allowed rejection to determine my self worth. Of course that lead to depression, low self esteem and a little self hate (more on this later!). Not everyone is going to like you or appreciate you. Nor is everyone going to be interested in learning you for you. So I have just learned to take rejection as a blessing. It isn’t worth the obsession to constantly be wanted by someone who does not want you. If this has struck a nerve in you, listen to me. It is okay to be sad you weren’t chosen but it is NOT okay to want to be the person they chose.
Lesson 5
I’m spoiled. Alexa, play 7 Rings by Ariana Grande
I hate the word spoiled but it fits here. I love my brands but I’m not opposed to off brands. I believe in treating yourself. No is also not in my vocabulary. I was raised to always find a way to get what you want. So what does that have to do with my dating history? Guys say they aren’t phased by my high maintenance but after awhile it starts to bother them when they can’t provide the lifestyle I’m used to. It didn’t make since to me since I never ask them to provide above their means but I can see where the frustration lies. One guy in particular were talking about vacations. I told him I wanted to go out the country at least twice a year. He told me it was too much and maybe I should go every two years. I ended up telling him I had no problem I didn’t mind going without him. Harsh? Maybe. But I’m not stopping my life. Guess he didn’t like the thought of me traveling without him. Insert hair flip. I guess this makes me headstrong and spoiled.
Lesson 6
Has social media and reality TV ruined my outlook on relationships?
I will admit it, I am a hopeless romantic- glass slipper wearing- “Almost There” singing Princess. I am pretty much Princess Tiana no doubt. My idea of a relationship is being courted. Show me that you want build a relationship with me. Surprise me. Take interest in my hobbies -I thought cupcakes would bring all the boys to the yard but the verdict is still out on that one. I am almost positive I’m the only person who has never received flowers. Admittedly, I scroll on my timeline and swoon at the beautiful couples longing for my time to come. Has this hindered me from finding Mr. Right? Probably.
Seriously Dimitria 